Pathfinder Turns Over A New Leaf

Subtitle: And Finds More Stupid.

Pathfinder called me early this morning and begged me to meet him in Yhoator Jungle. He said it was an emergency, a matter of life and death.

I hoped he meant his, hung up the phone, and went back to bed.

But he called me again.

And again.

And again.

I dragged myself out of bed, grabbed a notepad, and make a To Do list.

Things To Do Today:

1) Write Blog Update

2) Vacuum

3) Murder Pathfinder

4) Buy Orange Juice

Still, I couldn't have him calling me all day, so I figured I'd head on over to Yhoator.

Might as well get started on that list.

So, I arrive in the Jungle and immediately pull out my sword.

I am nothing if not efficient.

And there's Pathfinder standing there all by himself. I'm going to shove this sword right through his robe.

Wait...

Why is Pathfinder wearing a robe?

GoblinSmithy>> What are you doing?
GoblinPathfinder>> Oh, thank goodness you're here, Smitty.
GoblinPathfinder>> I need your help.
GoblinSmithy>> Finally going for the assisted suicide?
GoblinSmithy>> Good choice.
GoblinPathfinder>> No, Silly.
GoblinPathfinder>> I'm trying to level White Mage.
GoblinPathfinder>> But I need some practice.
GoblinSmithy>> Let me get this straight...
GoblinSmithy>> You want to practice on me?
GoblinPathfinder>> Yes, Smitty. Yes, please.
GoblinSmithy>> I think I gave you brain damage or something.
GoblinSmithy>> I mean more so.
GoblinPathfinder>> This is important.
GoblinPathfinder>> I'm trying to get the hang of it.
GoblinSmithy>> Hey, I'm going to let you practice on me.
GoblinSmithy>> Even though you're an idiot.
GoblinSmithy>> And you have no idea what you're doing.
GoblinSmithy>> That's a great idea!
GoblinPathfinder>> YAY!
GoblinPathfinder>> I knew you'd help me.
GoblinSmithy>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> As you apparently don't understand sarcasm...
GoblinSmithy>> I'm going to walk away now.
GoblinPathfinder>> You can't go yet.
GoblinSmithy>> Oh right.
GoblinSmithy>> I forgot to murder you.
GoblinSmithy>> Thanks for reminding me.
GoblinPathfinder>> Please, Smitty.
GoblinPathfinder>> Pretty pwease?
GoblinSmithy>> Give me one good reason why I should help you.
GoblinPathfinder>> White Mages don't get pets.
GoblinSmithy>> No Mr. Beeington?
GoblinPathfinder>> No Mr. Beeington.
GoblinSmithy>> Let's get to work, shall we?

We sat down and worked out a plan. I'd run into the middle of a party and start to murder them.

I liked this part of the plan.

As they did damage, Pathfinder would use his new White Magey powers to heal me.

Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

And since we were only fighting one party at a time, I should be pretty safe.

It sounded like the perfect plan.

This, of course, meant something had to go horribly wrong.

GoblinSmithy>> Okay, I'm heading in.
GoblinSmithy>> Be ready with those cures.
GoblinPathfinder>> Oh, don't you worry.
GoblinPathfinder>> I'm ready.
GoblinSmithy>> Here we go.

I rush in and start going to work. Things are going exactly as planned. They're dying and I'm taking just enough damage for Pathfinder to practice his cures.

GoblinSmithy>> Whenever you're ready.
GoblinPathfinder>> On it.

GoblinPathfinder Uses Benediction.

GoblinSmithy>> Oh.
GoblinSmithy>> Crap.

I will give Pathfinder credit. He completely healed all of my current damage.

All 37 HP.

Good job.

Unfortunately, this victory was somewhat spoiled when every adventurer and monster in the area decided to come over and kick our asses.

As we lay there, my broken corpse still warm from the savage beating, I suggested that Pathfinder take up the Thief job.

Cause that bastard is going to need Flee when I respawn.