Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Where The Hell Is Everyone?

What the hell happened?

I head off to work this morning and don't run into a single adventurer. This is strange, but not impossible.

Then, I finally make it to the jungle, and guess what.

Nobody there either.

What's going on? Where is everyone?

Did they shut off the game and forget to tell me or something?

I'm standing there scatching my head, trying to figure out what's going on, when a player runs right in front of me.

Aggro time, baby.

So, I start chasing him through the Jungle. I'm swinging my sword as I run and this boy is taking a beating.

But this bastard doesn't even turn around. He just keeps running.

How rude? The least he could do is humor me and pretend to be interested.

Eventually, we hit the zoneline and, even though I landed a really nice shot to the base of his spine, he survived.

Oh, well. It happens to the best of us.

I'm trudging back to my spawn point when another adventurer runs past me.

He doesn't even slow down. If I didn't know better, I'd assume I was invisible

Why the hell aren't people sticking around for their free throat stabbings?

By this time, I'm really pissed off. I haven't gotten to kill a single person today and the only adventurers I see are heading to the nearest zoneline.

Suddenly, my cell phone goes off. Seems they're having some trouble at headquarters and they had to recall me to help.

Money's money, so I book it over to headquarters. There's Goblins and Orcs and Quadavs everywhere. They're running around with box after box, and everyone looks stressed to the limit.

This must be big.

GoblinSmithy>> Hey, man.
GoblinSmithy>> What's going on?
GoblinSmithy>> Are we finally going to war?
BronzeQuadav>> No, no, no.
BronzeQuadav>> We're moving boxes.
GoblinSmithy>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> And why exactly?
BronzeQuadav>> Apparently, they're running low on Chocobo eggs.
BronzeQuadav>> We've been recalled to help deliver them.
GoblinSmithy>> Are you freakin' kidding me?!
GoblinSmithy>> They expect me to deliver eggs?
GoblinSmithy>> Do I look like the freakin' Easter bunny?
BronzeQuadav>> It's not like you're doing anything else.
BronzeQuadav>> All of the adventurers are busy raising their own chocobos.
BronzeQuadav>> We might as well do some work, right?
GoblinSmithy>> That's retarded.
GoblinSmithy>> They realize you can rent chocobos in the major towns, don't they?
BronzeQuadav>> Yeah, but they all want their own.
GoblinSmithy>> Why?
BronzeQuadav>> Look on the bright side.
BronzeQuadav>> At least they're not singing "Gotta catch'em all..."
GoblinSmithy>> This is ridiculous
GoblinSmithy>> This ain't Pimp My Chocobo.
GoblinSmithy>> Damned retarded adventurers.

So, I spend EIGHT HOURS moving box after box after box of Chocobo eggs.

EIGHT HOURS!

No maiming. No killing.

It was disgusting.

Still... I made the best of a bad situation.

First, I made myself an omelette.

Second, nothing says funny like lobbing a few Gobbie bombs in a box of eggs.

My favourite was the Taru who grabbed his egg and sat on it as a joke.

Last time we checked, he was just passing Saturn.

This had better not last long. I mean, I'm sure it's nice and relaxing for you guys to spend all day housebreaking your pet ostriches, but some of us have shit to do.

Your torso isn't going to stab itself, you know.

Please, for my sake, put down the stupid eggs and get back to partying.

Remember: a sword is a terrible thing to waste.

7 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't worry, in a month when all the eggs hatch everyone will be back in the jungle riding on thier multicolored chocobos. Possibly running circles around Smithy for no reason.

1:56 AM  
Blogger zerombr said...

My favourite was the Taru who grabbed his egg and sat on it as a joke.

Last time we checked, he was just passing Saturn.


brilliant, though it might've been better if it had been another Galka in a subligar...

9:42 AM  
Anonymous Reinbach said...

In the immortal words of Alex from A Clockwork Orange, "Hmm... Eggiweggs. I want... to smash 'em!"

11:15 AM  
Blogger Thistle said...

Second, nothing says funny like lobbing a few Gobbie bombs in a box of eggs.

Ack! No! Poor little baby bitty-widdy chocobo chickies!

11:18 AM  
Anonymous Raine said...

My computer died before the update...still have a few hours to go before it's done updating. I want a baby choco!

11:29 AM  
Anonymous freespirit said...

GoblinSmithy>> This is ridiculous
GoblinSmithy>> This ain't Pimp My Chocobo.

Give them a week, some retards will eventually make that show <.<

7:34 PM  
Anonymous Tog from Ifrit said...

Choco illegal races in all of vana'diel. Nice one Smithy, box of eggs + Gobby Bomb = : 3

1:56 AM  

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