By lunch time, I'm pretty sure they were headed for the divorce lawyers.
I didn't attend the wedding. As I'm sure most of you remember, I wasn't invited to the wedding.
That, of course, didn't mean I wasn't invited (read: didn't invite myself) to the reception.
The party seemed really nice.
Pathfinder's family was all crowded on one side of the room. His mom was hugging and kissing him, he dad shaking his hand.
Then there was the bride's family. She didn't really have anyone there. I think she had to invite her undead horde just to fill up some seats.
Kind of hard to have an extended family when your mom's a test tube and you're being created in a lab.
Or so I've heard.
Unfortunately, Lamia started to get very angry about being left out.
Damned emo snake girls.
But I couldn't let them ruin their wedding night.
I decided that this would be the perfect time to reveal my second true passion.
ROCK AND ROLL, BITCHES!!!
I managed to sneak up on stage with minimal effort (read: I groin stabbed dozens of people) and then grabbed a guitar.
The next twenty minutes were a blur. I remember people screaming. I remember one girl threw her panties up on stage.
Okay... It may have been a boomerang, but the thought is still there.
I was on the third verse of "Bad Medicine", when Lamia picked me up by the throat and threatened to insert that microphone into a non-sanctioned storage space (ie. my ass).
Just a little while later, they piled onto their very own chocobo and headed off to their honeymoon.
The rest of us kept on going, drinking and partying. Everything was going great until I got a call from Pathfinder.
GoblinPathfinder>> Smitty, Thank GOD!
GoblinSmithy>> What do you want?
GoblinPathfinder>> I don't know what to do.
GoblinPathfinder>> You have to help me.
GoblinSmithy>> Help you with what?
GoblinPathfinder>> She... She...
GoblinSmithy>> She hit you?
GoblinSmithy>> She left you?
GoblinSmithy>> She's really a he?
GoblinPathfinder>> No. Nothing like that.
GoblinPathfinder>> But she...
GoblinSmithy>> Just spit it out, boy!
GoblinPathfinder>> She touched me.
GoblinSmithy>> ... And?
GoblinPathfinder>> She touched me in my naughty place.
GoblinSmithy>> You make me want to hurt people.
GoblinPathfinder>> She's not allowed to do that.
GoblinPathfinder>> I remember when they told us that.
GoblinPathfinder>> Noone is supposed to touch your naughty places.
GoblinSmithy>> That was a video for health class.
GoblinSmithy>> And we were seven!!!
GoblinPathfinder>> You mean it's okay?
GoblinSmithy>> Yes, Pathfinder.
GoblinSmithy>> It's okay.
GoblinSmithy>> She'll be disappointed, but it's too late for that.
GoblinPathfinder>> Oh... Okay.
GoblinPathfinder>> Can I ask you one more question?
GoblinSmithy>> I guess.
GoblinPathfinder>> We're on the groundfloor.
GoblinPathfinder>> Why does she keep asking me to go downstairs?
I guess we can't all be the perfect lover like myself.
Poor, poor Pathfinder.
I mean poor, poor Lamia.