Thanks, But No Thanks
You've often heard me complaining about how other monsters get all the attention.
Argus with that stupid charm. Lizzy with her damned boots.
Honestly, I really hated those bastards. They get all the attention, while I'm stuck in the jungle getting stabbed by morons. It was unfair.
I was angry.
I was outraged.
I was too stupid to keep my mouth shut.
Apparently, one day after work, I may or may not have made a few comments to a manager while drinking.
Drinking a lot.
That mistake would come back to bie me in the ass.
I was on my way to work in Shakrami when I get called to a manager's office.
Right away, I know something is wrong.
Manager>> Hello, Smithy.
GoblinSmithy>> I know what this is about.
GoblinSmithy>> That jerk reported me for sexual harassment.
Manager>> No, no.
Manager>> That's not wh...
GoblinSmithy>> HE kissed ME.
GoblinSmithy>> I was drunk.
Manager>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> And there may have been some touching.
Manager>> Stop talking, please.
Manager>> We called you in to offer you a promotion.
GoblinSmithy>> Damn straight.
GoblinSmithy>> What's my new title?
Manager>> Well... You don't exactly get a new title.
GoblinSmithy>> Oh... Well, that sucks.
GoblinSmithy>> At least I'm getting a raise.
Manager>> Uhh...
Manager>> Not quite.
GoblinSmithy>> Then why am I here?
Manager>> You know how you've always said you wanted a good drop?
GoblinSmithy>> Sort of.
Manager>> We've decided to make you an NM.
GoblinSmithy>> Really?!
GoblinSmithy>> That's pretty cool.
GoblinSmithy>> What am I going to be dropping?
Manager>> This...
GoblinSmithy>> Why is it in such a large box?
Manager>> It is the box, silly.
GoblinSmithy>> Are you kidding me?!
GoblinSmithy>> That thing is bigger than me.
GoblinSmithy>> Hell, it's bigger than my ex-wife.
Manager>> It's a new piece of furniture.
GoblinSmithy>> You're freaking crazy.
GoblinSmithy>> I'm not carrying that.
Manager>> Why not?
GoblinSmithy>> I'll give myself a hernia.
GoblinSmithy>> They wouldn't have to kill me for it.
GoblinSmithy>> I'll just give it to them.
Manager>> You can't do that, Smithy.
Manager>> You signed a contract.
Manager>> In blood.
GoblinSmithy>> Tsk, tsk, tsk. Silly, silly man.
GoblinSmithy>> That wasn't my signature.
GoblinSmithy>> That wasn't even my blood.
Manager>> You're going to drop the damned item.
Manager>> Do you understand me?
GoblinSmithy>> Fine...
GoblinSmithy>> Let me pick it up.
Manager>> See?
Manager>> It's not so bad.
GoblinSmithy>> Hey. You're right.
GoblinSmithy>> By the way, do you enjoy irony?
Manager>> Of course I do.
And that's when I dropped the item.
On him.
It was so cute watching his little legs (or what was left of them) kicking and twitching.
Besides, Smithy doesn't need a fancy item to feel like a big man.
That's what the sword is for.
Argus with that stupid charm. Lizzy with her damned boots.
Honestly, I really hated those bastards. They get all the attention, while I'm stuck in the jungle getting stabbed by morons. It was unfair.
I was angry.
I was outraged.
I was too stupid to keep my mouth shut.
Apparently, one day after work, I may or may not have made a few comments to a manager while drinking.
Drinking a lot.
That mistake would come back to bie me in the ass.
I was on my way to work in Shakrami when I get called to a manager's office.
Right away, I know something is wrong.
Manager>> Hello, Smithy.
GoblinSmithy>> I know what this is about.
GoblinSmithy>> That jerk reported me for sexual harassment.
Manager>> No, no.
Manager>> That's not wh...
GoblinSmithy>> HE kissed ME.
GoblinSmithy>> I was drunk.
Manager>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> And there may have been some touching.
Manager>> Stop talking, please.
Manager>> We called you in to offer you a promotion.
GoblinSmithy>> Damn straight.
GoblinSmithy>> What's my new title?
Manager>> Well... You don't exactly get a new title.
GoblinSmithy>> Oh... Well, that sucks.
GoblinSmithy>> At least I'm getting a raise.
Manager>> Uhh...
Manager>> Not quite.
GoblinSmithy>> Then why am I here?
Manager>> You know how you've always said you wanted a good drop?
GoblinSmithy>> Sort of.
Manager>> We've decided to make you an NM.
GoblinSmithy>> Really?!
GoblinSmithy>> That's pretty cool.
GoblinSmithy>> What am I going to be dropping?
Manager>> This...
GoblinSmithy>> Why is it in such a large box?
Manager>> It is the box, silly.
GoblinSmithy>> Are you kidding me?!
GoblinSmithy>> That thing is bigger than me.
GoblinSmithy>> Hell, it's bigger than my ex-wife.
Manager>> It's a new piece of furniture.
GoblinSmithy>> You're freaking crazy.
GoblinSmithy>> I'm not carrying that.
Manager>> Why not?
GoblinSmithy>> I'll give myself a hernia.
GoblinSmithy>> They wouldn't have to kill me for it.
GoblinSmithy>> I'll just give it to them.
Manager>> You can't do that, Smithy.
Manager>> You signed a contract.
Manager>> In blood.
GoblinSmithy>> Tsk, tsk, tsk. Silly, silly man.
GoblinSmithy>> That wasn't my signature.
GoblinSmithy>> That wasn't even my blood.
Manager>> You're going to drop the damned item.
Manager>> Do you understand me?
GoblinSmithy>> Fine...
GoblinSmithy>> Let me pick it up.
Manager>> See?
Manager>> It's not so bad.
GoblinSmithy>> Hey. You're right.
GoblinSmithy>> By the way, do you enjoy irony?
Manager>> Of course I do.
And that's when I dropped the item.
On him.
It was so cute watching his little legs (or what was left of them) kicking and twitching.
Besides, Smithy doesn't need a fancy item to feel like a big man.
That's what the sword is for.
posted by Goblin Smithy at 12:41 AM
3 Comments:
So, what race is your boss. I was trying to imagine someone stuck under a giant box, but could only think of my roommate under a giant box.
If Smithy has to drop anything, let it be a Pathfinder-seeking missile. That shit would be hilarious.
Smithy's said before his boss is a .. err.. I cant remember how to spell it... Golem? that sound right?
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