Thursday, August 24, 2006

Thanks, But No Thanks

You've often heard me complaining about how other monsters get all the attention.

Argus with that stupid charm. Lizzy with her damned boots.

Honestly, I really hated those bastards. They get all the attention, while I'm stuck in the jungle getting stabbed by morons. It was unfair.

I was angry.

I was outraged.

I was too stupid to keep my mouth shut.

Apparently, one day after work, I may or may not have made a few comments to a manager while drinking.

Drinking a lot.

That mistake would come back to bie me in the ass.

I was on my way to work in Shakrami when I get called to a manager's office.

Right away, I know something is wrong.

Manager>> Hello, Smithy.
GoblinSmithy>> I know what this is about.
GoblinSmithy>> That jerk reported me for sexual harassment.
Manager>> No, no.
Manager>> That's not wh...
GoblinSmithy>> HE kissed ME.
GoblinSmithy>> I was drunk.
Manager>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> And there may have been some touching.
Manager>> Stop talking, please.
Manager>> We called you in to offer you a promotion.
GoblinSmithy>> Damn straight.
GoblinSmithy>> What's my new title?
Manager>> Well... You don't exactly get a new title.
GoblinSmithy>> Oh... Well, that sucks.
GoblinSmithy>> At least I'm getting a raise.
Manager>> Uhh...
Manager>> Not quite.
GoblinSmithy>> Then why am I here?
Manager>> You know how you've always said you wanted a good drop?
GoblinSmithy>> Sort of.
Manager>> We've decided to make you an NM.
GoblinSmithy>> Really?!
GoblinSmithy>> That's pretty cool.
GoblinSmithy>> What am I going to be dropping?
Manager>> This...
GoblinSmithy>> Why is it in such a large box?
Manager>> It is the box, silly.
GoblinSmithy>> Are you kidding me?!
GoblinSmithy>> That thing is bigger than me.
GoblinSmithy>> Hell, it's bigger than my ex-wife.
Manager>> It's a new piece of furniture.
GoblinSmithy>> You're freaking crazy.
GoblinSmithy>> I'm not carrying that.
Manager>> Why not?
GoblinSmithy>> I'll give myself a hernia.
GoblinSmithy>> They wouldn't have to kill me for it.
GoblinSmithy>> I'll just give it to them.
Manager>> You can't do that, Smithy.
Manager>> You signed a contract.
Manager>> In blood.
GoblinSmithy>> Tsk, tsk, tsk. Silly, silly man.
GoblinSmithy>> That wasn't my signature.
GoblinSmithy>> That wasn't even my blood.
Manager>> You're going to drop the damned item.
Manager>> Do you understand me?
GoblinSmithy>> Fine...
GoblinSmithy>> Let me pick it up.
Manager>> See?
Manager>> It's not so bad.
GoblinSmithy>> Hey. You're right.
GoblinSmithy>> By the way, do you enjoy irony?
Manager>> Of course I do.

And that's when I dropped the item.

On him.

It was so cute watching his little legs (or what was left of them) kicking and twitching.

Besides, Smithy doesn't need a fancy item to feel like a big man.

That's what the sword is for.


Blogger Axit said...

Poor smithy...why would they offend you with a piece of furniture??

I say give you a new sword to stab spines with that they can "try" and take from you.

1:24 AM  
Anonymous Monty said...

So, what race is your boss. I was trying to imagine someone stuck under a giant box, but could only think of my roommate under a giant box.

1:57 AM  
Anonymous Lucinus said...

If Smithy has to drop anything, let it be a Pathfinder-seeking missile. That shit would be hilarious.

9:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Smithy's said before his boss is a .. err.. I cant remember how to spell it... Golem? that sound right?

1:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

=[ You should drop Equips that you loot off Corpses, that shit would rock.

12:26 AM  

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