Saturday, August 26, 2006

Am I Not Merciful?

Recently, someone sent me an e-mail asking if I have ever taken mercy on an adventurer.

I actually get asked this question a lot. I think people are just hoping there might be someway to avoid my wrath.

The truth is I have actually chosen to stop killing people before.

I know, I know. Smithy not killing someone?

But I had a good reason.

I'm not sure if you'd call it mercy.

There have been a few times where I've pitied someone so much that I stopped stabbing them.

And given my fondness for the stabbing arts, you can imagine how pitiful they'd have to be.

One morning, I was working in Sauromugue Champaign. This is actually one of the best spots to work because you hardly ever see anyone.

The only real drawback is the damned ugly Skinks. For those of you unfamiliar with the Skink, imagine crossing a very ugly ostrich with a very ugly lizard.

Yeah.

Anyway, I was on duty when this little Taru Summoner ran by me.

She was the definition of pitiful. Her gear was horribly underleveled and she had almost no +MP equipment.

As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure she wasn't wearing pants.

Still, it is my job (read: pleasure) to educate (read: horribly murder) these silly, silly adventurers.

So, I run up behind her and start swinging my knife. I'm pulling out all of my best moves. I'm dodging and weaving, and my stabs were spot on.

I mean, if you're going to do something, do it right.

After a few swings, though, I noticed she wasn't really fighting back very much.

Actually... She wasn't fighting back at all.

She was just sitting there.

Crying.

GoblinSmithy>> Wait...
GoblinSmithy>> What are you doing?
GoblinSmithy>> Are you crying?
Taru>> ... No...
Taru>> *whimper*
GoblinSmithy>> Why are you crying?
Taru>> *sob*
Taru>> You're going to kill me.
GoblinSmithy>> True...
GoblinSmithy>> But is that really worth crying over?
GoblinSmithy>> You're a Taru.
GoblinSmithy>> It's not like you have a lot to live for.
Taru>> But I don't want to die.
Taru>> I'll lose my level.
GoblinSmithy>> Yeah...
GoblinSmithy>> Shit happens.
Taru>> *uncontrollable crying*
GoblinSmithy>> Okay, stop that.
GoblinSmithy>> Stop it.
GoblinSmithy>> KNOCK IT OFF!!!
Taru>> I *sob* can't help it.
Taru>> You're being *sob* so mean to me.
GoblinSmithy>> That's kind of my job.
GoblinSmithy>> Aggro, kill people, be hated.
GoblinSmithy>> That's basically my job description.
Taru>> That's it?
GoblinSmithy>> Well... They did require experience in cruelty.
GoblinSmithy>> Luckily, I used to be a teacher.
Taru>> Oh...
Taru>> But you don't mind being mean to people?
GoblinSmithy>> Not really.
GoblinSmithy>> It lets me be creative.
Taru>> That's nice...
Taru>> I guess.
GoblinSmithy>> Listen... This isn't really a challenge.
GoblinSmithy>> And I'm getting kind of bored.
GoblinSmithy>> How about I just let you go?
Taru>> *sob*
Taru>> Really?
GoblinSmithy>> Yeah...
GoblinSmithy>> You've kind of taken the fun out of it.
Taru>> Oh my goodness!
Taru>> THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!
GoblinSmithy>> Yeah, yeah.
GoblinSmithy>> Just get going already.
Taru>> This is amazing.
Taru>> I'm going to tell everyone about how nice you are.
GoblinSmithy>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> What?
Taru>> No one is going to believe this.
Taru>> I'm going to tell everyone I know.
GoblinSmithy>> Yeah...

I really had no choice. I had to kill her.

Pity is all well and good, but I've got to think about my reputation.

I can't have people thinking I'm actually... nice.

Ugh... Just saying it makes me nauseous.

9 Comments:

Blogger Balfor said...

first post!



definately glad you killed her in the end. survival of the fittest dictates that the weak and pathetic must die to make way for the strong like yourself, even if you are prone to many deaths of your own

6:04 PM  
Blogger mountainmage said...

hey smithy, what email address should i send the fan art to?

6:38 PM  
Anonymous AI said...

You are evil... and I like it.
However, you pitied a Taru? Baaaad Smithy

10:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've lost respect for you.

12:32 AM  
Anonymous Raine said...

Hm...that taru n00b had it coming. good job!

12:59 AM  
Anonymous Tog the Stabbed said...

Balfor is right, survival of the fittest. I'm surprised the taru didn't piss their pants...or there...ugh.

2:25 AM  
Anonymous Lucinus said...

hmmmmm, I'm surprised you didn't just get a Galka to go eat this Taru instead...

Blame the fact that Judas Priest's song "Eat Me Alive" is a pretty decent song to lsiten to.

10:03 AM  
Blogger Veinor Angiol said...

Every time I see "Am I not *blank*?" I always think "We are Devo."

That's just me, though.

5:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

tarutarus make excellent lawn darts...and wyvern feed

3:12 AM  

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