Thursday, November 09, 2006

Just... Plain... Disturbing...

Okay, I've seen some disgusting things in my time.

I've stabbed people in the eye.

I've personally removed someone's digestive system.

I've seen a Galka.

But nothing could prepare me for today. Today, I actually considered stabbing my own eyes out.

After finding poor Junior's body, I decided to take a laid back shift. You know, try and come to terms with his death.

Also, I had to send most of my good armor to the dry cleaners. It was covered in dead chocobo reek.

So, I signed up for a duty shift in Batallia Downs. That way, I would have plenty peace and quiet.

No one actually goes to Batallia Downs. No one.

Oh, they go through Batallia Downs all the freaking time. Most people just zip on through on their chocobos. Zone in, run, zone out.

Every now and then, I catch a level 20 adventurer trying to get to Jeuno for the first time. They're so cute. The way they try to sneak around you, the way they cry, the way they flop around on the ground when you stab them.

That part's always fun.

But today I didn't see any adventurers. Not a single solitary player ran through the area.

I wonder where they all could be.


Honestly, though, I actually liked it better that way. It gave me time to be alone with my thoughts and explore my feelings.


You know, I'm really not that deep.

Mostly my deep inner thoughts consist of stabbing people and old reruns of Saved By The Bell.

What? Like you never watched that show.

Unfortunately, before I could really start to relax, I got interrupted.

GoblinFurrier>> Smithy?
GoblinFurrier>> Is that you?
GoblinSmithy>> Oh, hi.
GoblinFurrier>> I haven't seen you in ages.
GoblinFurrier>> How have things been?
GoblinSmithy>> Good, good.
GoblinFurrier>> How's the wife?
GoblinSmithy>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> She's... good.
GoblinSmithy>> This has been a lot of fun.
GoblinSmithy>> But I really need to get going.
GoblinFurrier>> Okay.
GoblinFurrier>> See you later.
GoblinSmithy>> Later.

So, I walked away. Things were getting quiet again when I noticed that someone was following me.

It was Furrier.

I ignored him, thinking he'd take the hint and go away.

No such luck.

After about twenty minutes, I'd had enough.

GoblinSmithy>> What the hell's the matter with you?
GoblinSmithy>> Why are you following me?
GoblinFurrier>> I'm sorry.
GoblinFurrier>> I'm... lonely.

Aw. Pulls at your heartstrings, doesn't it?

Hell no. This sick bastard was stalking me.

GoblinSmithy>> Wow, great story.
GoblinSmithy>> Can't wait to read the novel.
GoblinSmithy>> Go the hell away.
GoblinFurrier>> Can't we hang out for a little while?
GoblinFurrier>> Please?
GoblinSmithy>> (( Thanks for the offer, but I'll have to pass. ))
GoblinFurrier>> Oh, come on.
GoblinSmithy>> Nope.
GoblinSmithy>> Go over there.
GoblinFurrier>> Over where?
GoblinSmithy>> Valkurm.
GoblinSmithy>> Frankly, I don't give a damn.
GoblinSmithy>> Just get out of my face.
GoblinFurrier>> Fine.
GoblinFurrier>> I don't need you anyway.
GoblinFurrier>> I've got my own friends.

He turned, walked a few feet away, and stopped next to a tiger.

Great, I thought. Another animal lover.

Oh, horrible, horrible irony.

GoblinSmithy>> What are you...
GoblinSmithy>> OH DEAR ALTANA!
GoblinSmithy>> What are you doing to that tiger?!
GoblinFurrier>> What?
GoblinFurrier>> I told you I was lonely.

That scene will be forever etched into my brain.

I've decided to start drinking right now and not stop until that image is gone.

Or until I die of alcohol poisoning.

Right now, I don't really have a preference either way.


Anonymous Monty said...

That's.... just.... wrong....

/ma "Erase" memory

1:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think I'll just facestab myself for a few minutes.
Still there that is wrong but hilarious!

1:44 AM  
Blogger Ichiroson said...

at least it wasnt mr.beeington

3:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"furry"ier indeed @_@

*hands smithy some bleach to wash his brain*

4:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


8:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Frankly, I don't give a damn."

HAHA! Gone With The Wind!

9:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just be glad Smithy... If you had hung out with him it could have been YOU not the Tiger ::shudder::

10:55 AM  
Blogger WHM of Death said...

what if that was Mr. Purrrington?? What will Pathfinder do?? Furrier vrs. Pathfinder...= Dumb vrs. Dumber

someon please put a knife in my brain to erase the image.....

11:45 AM  
Blogger Veinor Angiol said...

... if he's Furrier, I don't want to think about the Goblin Furriest

2:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wouldn't Pathfinder consider that animal cruelty? You should tell him :D watching his reaction would replace the horrible image with something good.

2:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your forgetting that pathfinder did sleep with his bee :P

Oh btw, did you know, you get pathfinders in wow....

They have tards too, in vast numbers and you get to hear them talking to each other on global chat, yeah, I didnt stay with wow too long...

5:18 PM  
Blogger Bitneko said...

I was wondering when Furrier was going to get in the story, I see him in Yhoator all the time...

hanging out with pathfinder.

6:53 PM  
Blogger Solid Squid said...

On further reflection I just realised how much worse this could have been. He was "lonely", so acted on the tiger. Before this he wanted to "hang" with you to aleviate his "lonelyness".

At least for now all you have is the image of what the tiger had to suffer, and not the experience of it

5:02 PM  
Blogger Chronofantasy said...

Goblin Smithy goes porno? If you really wanted to, you could've told him you're not with your wife anymore since he asked about her, and hooked him up with that ugly bitch when he said he's lonely.

4:25 AM  
Blogger token black guy said...

oh snizzle bizzle shizzle dat gizzle jizzled in da tizzle assizzle!!! hooolllaaa!! yo on da real dog! dat shiz iz mad azz cra-Z g dog! diggity doh dilly dack!

11:29 AM  
Blogger tarinakarelia said...

O.O *blinks* O.O
oh... wow. *gags*
nice one smitty!
oh! and to those who bitched in the previous long update... just goes to show. you wanna bitch, you get to watch tiger porn. Now go play WoW and stop your whining.

8:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Must never go to Batallia downs again O.o

/gouge eyes out

2:52 AM  
Anonymous Waterhose said...

I've stabbed people in the eye.

I've personally removed someone's digestive system.

I've seen a Galka.

And then the way the noobs flop when they're dead XD XD XD

10:08 PM  

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