Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Chocobo Soup

On the advice of a reader, I decided chocobo soup might help me through my illness.

My only problem was finding some fresh chocobo meat.

Unfortunately, Junior had "gone bad" quite some time ago.

And I loved Junior II too much to kill him.

Okay... He's still really small. I needed a meal sized chocobo.

So, I headed over to San d'Oria to try and find one.

At first, I tried waiting outside the gate. I figured I could grab one as they were heading out.

Not so much. Those bastards are quick.

With no other option, I snuck into the city. I went into full on Metal Goblin Smithy mode to avoid detection.

I was but a shadow, hidden from their eyes.

I was but a whisper in the wind.

GateGuard>> You there. Goblin.
GateGuard>> Where do you think you're going?

I was busted.

Crap.

GoblinSmithy>> I'm not a goblin.
GoblinSmithy>> I'm...

Think fast.

GoblinSmithy>> I'm a Taru.

...

That's it?

You expect them to believe that?

GateGuard>> Oh...
GateGuard>> Carry on then.

...

Adventurers are as dumb as a bag of hammers.

Now, just to find the chocobo stables.

GateGuard>> Wait!
GateGuard>> Hold on a second.

Crap.

GoblinSmithy>> What is it?
GateGuard>> Why are you wearing a mask?
GoblinSmithy>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> I'm really, really ugly.
GateGuard>> How ugly?
GoblinSmithy>> My Dad was a Galka.
GateGuard>> Dear Altana...
GateGuard>> I'm sorry.
GoblinSmithy>> I get that lot.
GateGuard>> Sorry I bothered you.
GateGuard>> You can go now.

Okay. I'm good.

Now, the chocobo stables are...

GateGuard>> Hold on a second.

What now?

GateGuard>> I didn't think that Galkas could mate with Tarus.
GoblinSmithy>> Oh... Yeah, totally.
GoblinSmithy>> They do it all the time.
GateGuard>> Really?
GoblinSmithy>> Yup.
GoblinSmithy>> Usually works very well.
GateGuard>> Usually?
GoblinSmithy>> Well...
GoblinSmithy>> Sometimes the Taru explodes.
GateGuard>> ...
GateGuard>> That's disgusting.
GoblinSmithy>> You think that's disgusting?
GoblinSmithy>> What about the poor Galka?
GoblinSmithy>> Do you know how hard it is to clean Taru bits off your wang?
GateGuard>> I think I'm going to throw up.
GoblinSmithy>> I went to a Taru-Galka orgy once.
GoblinSmithy>> It looked like New Years.
GoblinSmithy>> Pop! Pop pop pop!
GateGuard>> Please stop talking now.
GoblinSmithy>> Are you sure?
GoblinSmithy>> I'd love to stay and chat.
GateGuard>> No, really.
GateGuard>> Go.
GoblinSmithy>> Okay.
GoblinSmithy>> See you later.

Haha. I made it.

I was home free.

GoblinPathfinder>> Hey! Smitty!
GoblinPathfinder>> What are you doing in there?

Maybe they didn't hear him.

As long as I didn't panic, everything would be cool.

GateGuard>> Did you say Smithy?
GateGuard>> As in GoblinSmithy?
GoblinPathfinder>> Of course I did.
GoblinPathfinder>> That's him right there.

...

Do you know what cures the flu? Getting beaten to death.

If you'll excuse me, I have to go find Pathfinder and cure him of the flu.

Maybe two or three times.

17 Comments:

Anonymous The common Noob said...

And Stay out.

1:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

GoblinSmithy>> I'm not a goblin.
GoblinSmithy>> I'm...

Think fast.

GoblinSmithy>> I'm a Taru.

Lmao!
//Akkarin

2:06 AM  
Anonymous ruby_phoenix said...

Funny as hell! ^^

Take your time, Smitty, and have some high quality post like this! :p

Love ya.

2:37 AM  
Blogger Solid Squid said...

GoblinPathfinder>> Hey! Smitty!
GoblinPathfinder>> What are you doing in there?
TaruSmithy>Oh Shit! A goblin! *stabs*

4:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

please don't end your posts with a line beginning "please excuse me..."

its getting old now

4:37 AM  
Blogger Artos said...

Best entry in ages.

6:14 AM  
Blogger Wodah said...

Only 2 or 3? :/

8:20 AM  
Blogger Shayde said...

"On the advice of a reader, I decided chocobo soup might help me through my illness."

Woot! I resemble that remark! I am honored that you considered my suggestion, Mr Smithy. I'm just sorry it cost you your life... again.

2:46 PM  
Blogger token black guy said...

yo i aint no galka but when i be dickin dem tarus itz da same thing hooolllaa!!

3:22 PM  
Blogger Dealer Man said...

Next time, don't bother with those weakling city chocobos. Go after some of the meaty ones by the teleport crystals.

On a different point, could someone pleast put token out of our misery and remove his head from his shoulders?

3:28 PM  
Anonymous renzuko said...

smithy, u really should have just told him u could have simply told him u were a MERCHANT goblin i mean come on, theres that one that just hides there in north sandy...he's up to something i know it...

7:04 PM  
Blogger ColdhartedRagnarok said...

Good entry.

10:25 PM  
Blogger Meroduin said...

Dealerman, you speak right to my heart. Let us get together and kill that foul troll.

4:54 PM  
Blogger token black guy said...

i aint no diggity damn troll yo! i iz tryin to be showin smiff dog sum luv in dis blog cuz he be writin funny azz stories for peepz to reed yo! what i dont be understandin iz why u gotsta be hatin on me all da time G! juz cuz yo momma cant get offa da TBG-kabob dont mean u gotsta hate holla!

5:19 PM  
Blogger tarinakarelia said...

lmao. "heya smitty"... famous last words. may i suggest some form of new revenge... maybe throw him a birthday party! with your exwife jumping out of the cake! *vomits* on second thought.....

8:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mm. Yes.

9:08 AM  
Anonymous Mac Computers said...

GoblinSmithy>> Sometimes the Taru explodes.
GateGuard>> ...
GateGuard>> That's disgusting.
GoblinSmithy>> You think that's disgusting?
GoblinSmithy>> What about the poor Galka?
GoblinSmithy>> Do you know how hard it is to clean Taru bits off your wang?



XD!!!!!!!!!

9:59 PM  

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