Friday, November 17, 2006

Chocobo Soup - Attempt 2

Apparently, the horrible beating I took did not cure my flu. I guess it just seemed like it was better when compared to the massive bruises and lacerations.

Unfortunately, this left me still trying to find chocobo meat for some hot chocobo soup.

I was sitting in my house, staring at Junior II and cursing him for his small size.

He'd never be enough for a good meal.

I'd need a chocobo at least ten times his size.


... Or maybe ten chocobos that are his size.

Oh, what a glorious idea occurred to me. Why bother chasing those stupid, big chocobos when I could just round up a bunch of the little ones?

It was brilliant. It was genius.

Okay... It was me talking about killing a bunch of baby chicks.

You know the old saying: you can't make an omelette without mashing up a bunch of baby chocobos.

Shut up. I'm sick.

So, I asked myself where I could get a bunch of baby chicks.

That's when I remembered hearing that someone in Jeuno was just giving the things away.

The only thing better than killing a bunch of chicks to make soup is killing a bunch of FREE chicks to make soup.

And I was off to Jeuno.

This time, I went prepared. I had spent the night working on my adventurer disguise. I looked exactly like a Taru.

It was hard to get my head to look that pointy, but it worked.

I walk up the the chocobo NPC and ask for a chocobo.

NPC>> Here you go.
GoblinSmithy>> ...
GoblinSmithy>> What the hell is this?
NPC>> This is your chocobo.
GoblinSmithy>> No.
GoblinSmithy>> This is an egg.
GoblinSmithy>> This isn't done yet.
GoblinSmithy>> Take it back 'til it's born and preferably juicy.
NPC>> No, no, no.
NPC>> You have to raise it until it hatches.
GoblinSmithy>> No.
GoblinSmithy>> You have to take this back.
GoblinSmithy>> And you have to give me a chocobo.
NPC>> I'm sorry, sir.
NPC>> I can't do that.
GoblinSmithy>> But I need a real chocobo.
GoblinSmithy>> Not a damned egg.
GoblinSmithy>> I don't even have a frying pan.
NPC>> A what?!
GoblinSmithy>> Nothing.
GoblinSmithy>> Nothing.
GoblinSmithy>> Just need a chocobo for riding.
GoblinSmithy>> Not eating. Just riding.
GoblinSmithy>> Did I mention I'm not going to eat it?
NPC>> Sir, I'm afraid I have to ask you to leave.
GoblinSmithy>> Have you ever laid an egg?
NPC>> Me, sir?
NPC>> Of course not.
GoblinSmithy>> You talk to me like that again..
GoblinSmithy>> And you'll experience it.
GoblinSmithy>> In reverse.
NPC>> ...
NPC>> So how many chicks did you need?
GoblinSmithy>> Enough to fill this new carrier.
NPC>> ...
NPC>> Sir...
NPC>> That's a pot.
GoblinSmithy>> Yes it is.
GoblinSmithy>> An empty pot.
GoblinSmithy>> What could we do about that?
NPC>> Sigh.
GoblinSmithy>> Look on the bright side.
GoblinSmithy>> At least you didn't get stabbed.
NPC>> That's true, I guess.
GoblinSmithy>> Oh yeah.
GoblinSmithy>> Almost forgot.


I'd like to tell you that I didn't eat those baby chicks.

But that would be lying.

And lying is just plain wrong.


Blogger Myloko said...

Poor chicks o.o

1:50 AM  
Anonymous danosa said...

lol I think the sickness is affecting some of your plans

2:39 AM  
Anonymous Monty said...

The last line is priceless. Smithy for president!

2:43 AM  
Blogger Soren said...


3:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

grrr my login needs to be fixed but no time...
Killing the NPC giving out Chocobo eggs, I'ld sugest staying out of sight if alliances form over the warp taru. Especially if he refuses to give out eggs till he feels he's safe from the wrath of Smithy.

6:57 AM  
Blogger Argentos of Windurst said...

I love your moral fabric, Smitty.

7:15 AM  
Anonymous swerve said...

So... did it work? Are you cured? Was it tasty? Do you have any other recipes involving chocobos?

9:36 AM  
Blogger token black guy said...

aight aight i got a dope ass recipe fo da chocobo! u take yo chocobo, da one wiffowt heads and take em to da colonol sanders type. be like yo! kernel! i got sum chococboz n boy do i want me sum friieeed chocobo! u can find hiz azz at konschtat fo some konschtat fried chocobo. dat muhfukka know how ta make sum chikin! err...chocobo. NEwayz dat shiz iz gud as fook! or or juz take da eggz n stick em in yo momz cooter n den wait till i come around, cuz den yo mom will get so hott 4 me dat da egg will be boiled in no time den take da egg out n eat it den lemme bang yo mom cuz den ill finally be able to fit up in her holla!!

10:08 AM  
Blogger Balfor said... sad little white boy hidding in your mother's basement, stop trying to act "gangster" you just make yourself look stupider every single post.

you just couldn't resist stabbing the NPC could you?

11:02 AM  
Blogger Venomholder said...

Balfor, why do you auto, assume hes some white kid in his mums basement? Dude get a life and stop bitching at other peoples, if he wants to talk like that SO BE IT ITS NOT YOU try reading his blog, and u'll understand he likes to type like this, but he can really type normal too

1:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

'Dude get a life and stop bitching at other peoples'
I'll have to assume u get the irony in this one

5:18 PM  
Blogger token black guy said...

venom u da man. err body else. HATTERRZZZ

5:34 PM  
Blogger Shayde said...

LOL... lying is wrong, but murder is just fine.

/em scratches her head

Altana help me, but I'm actually starting to enjoy TBG's posts. Holla!

5:34 PM  
Blogger Belsire said...

Ya know, it's kinda strange Shayde since they're starting to bring grins to my face too.

6:16 PM  
Blogger wai said...

" sad little white boy hidding in your mother's basement, stop trying to act "gangster" you just make yourself look stupider every single post."

He does it on purpose. One day I was actually bored enough to take a look at his blog. The fifth post was written in something resembling human speech, and the gist of it is that he thinks he's being funny. What I find sad is that as exaggerated as his posts are, it's still hard to tell that he's actually trying to poke fun at people that really talk like that.

2:16 AM  
Blogger Wodah said...

Kentucky fried~ chocobo!

12:09 PM  
Anonymous renzuko said...

wana know what i suggest >.>


9:43 PM  
Blogger Venomholder said...

Yeah TBG its just sad ppl judge other people when they never even judge themself's it seems.


3:45 PM  
Blogger tarinakarelia said...

i believe the problem with "tbg" is that he overdoes it so much that it makes it impossible to enjoy his so-called mockery of people who talk like that. if it was toned down, yes it would be amusing. the other point being that GMdave's blog and Goblin Smithy's blog are not the place to promote his BS anti-ghetto retard-fest. if you want people to read your blog, put a link like normal people and let people who WANT to read it go there. dont force the rest of us. everyone has the choice to read or not read these blogs. thats why you made your own. so leave your crap on YOUR blog.

8:20 PM  
Blogger token black guy said...

yo yo i gots an idea yo! lick mah ballz cuz if yo mouf wuz full of mah ballz you wouldnt be able to talk none holla!

1:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

" sad little white boy hidding in your mother's basement, stop trying to act "gangster" you just make yourself look stupider every single post."

Stop calling people stupid if you can't recognize that 'stupider' is not a word.

TBG is actually quite awesome.

Also, great post, I do enjoy that you do have some sense of morals. Lying is wrong. However, a face stab to someone who is lying is quite alright.

6:55 PM  
Blogger Soren said...


Funny :P TBG, you're awesome. Fa' sho.

7:21 PM  
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GoblinPathfinder>> Why aren't there any female Galkas?

According to the FFXI Guide Galka's have no gender but are generally perceived to be male.

9:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"GoblinPathfinder>> Why aren't there any female Galkas?

According to the FFXI Guide Galka's have no gender but are generally perceived to be male."

Wrong post srry mates

9:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know the old saying: you can't make an omelette without mashing up a bunch of baby chocobos.


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