Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Ask A Stupid Question...

Oh dear Altana.

It seems Pathfinder has discovered the internet.

At first, I thought it would be kind of funny. You know, with him flooding the Beastmaster forums with "OMGBEEZIZLEET!" threads.

And then it happened.

He somehow managed to order a copy of the Brady guide to FFXI.

*ominous crash of thunder*

You'd think this might make him smarter, right?

Have you ever read the Brady guide?

Not only is he as dumb as usual, but now, he walks around all day asking stupid questions.

GoblinPathfinder>> Why aren't there any female Galkas?
GoblinPathfinder>> Why do they call it aggro?
GoblinPathfinder>> Does anyone actually use the deodorize spell?

It's enough to drive me crazy.

And coming from a homicidal serial killer, that's pretty damned bad.

Today, Shaman and I were heading to Davoi. I really needed a new axe, so I decided to go visit my old friend Tigerbane Bakdak.

Except replace "visit" with "murder".

What? Those axes are expensive.

Besides, doing it this way involves three of my favorite hobbies:

1) not spending my money

2) stabbing things

3) stabbing orcs

Seriously, if we stopped and pick up some alcohol on the way, this would have been a hell of a party.

Anyway, just as we're heading out of Battalia Downs, Pathfinder shouted at us to wait up.

I pulled out my crossbow and I'm pretty sure I could have put a bolt right where his eye should be, but Shaman made me stop.

Not out of kindness mind you. Pathfinder had borrowed one of Shaman's masks and he wanted it back preferably without Pathfinder's blood on the inside.

Damn pretty boy.

So, we hold up a second and Pathfinder catches up to us. And there in his hand... the Brady guide.

GoblinPathfinder>> Hey, guys.
GoblinPathfinder>> Heading to Davoi?
GoblinSmithy>> No.
GoblinShaman>> Yes.
GoblinPathfinder>> Cool.
GoblinPathfinder>> Can I come?
GoblinSmithy>> No.
GoblinShaman>> Yes.
GoblinPathfinder>> Yay!
GoblinSmithy>> No one listens to me.
GoblinPathfinder>> What are we doing in Davoi?
GoblinSmithy>> Someone's face lost this knife.
GoblinSmithy>> We're going to return it.
GoblinSmithy>> Multiple times if need be.
GoblinPathfinder>> Did you guys know Davoi is the orc city?
GoblinPathfinder>> That's where they live.
GoblinSmithy>> Gee. I didn't know that.
GoblinSmithy>> Did you know that Shaman?
GoblinShaman>> I've never heard that before.
GoblinShaman>> Do you know what else?
GoblinSmithy>> What?
GoblinShaman>> Water's wet.
GoblinSmithy>> Really? I didn't know that.
GoblinSmithy>> Someone should write a guide.
GoblinShaman>> Oh, totally.
GoblinPathfinder>> ...
GoblinPathfinder>> Are you guys making fun of me?
GoblinSmithy>> Yes.
GoblinShaman>> No.
GoblinPathfinder>> Oh.
GoblinPathfinder>> Okay then.
GoblinSmithy>> Why doesn't anyone listen to me?

We make our way to Bakdak's place and he's just standing around.

And he's holding his my new axe.

Like a trained group of assassin's we pounced on him.

Okay... Shaman set him on fire and I stabbed him in the back.

Pathfinder, however, decided now would be a good time to ask us more questions.

GoblinPathfinder>> Why do the Mithra live with the Tarus?
GoblinSmithy>> Would you shut up?
GoblinSmithy>> We're trying to kill someone here.
GoblinPathfinder>> I'm just asking questions.
GoblinPathfinder>> I'm trying to learn.
GoblinSmithy>> If you don't shut the hell up...
GoblinSmithy>> You're going to learn what a homepoint is.
GoblinPathfinder>> Hey!
GoblinPathfinder>> That's not very nice.
GoblinShaman>> Pathfinder, Smithy's not trying to be mean.
GoblinShaman>> I think he means this is not a good time.
GoblinSmithy>> I mean he should shut his stupid face.
GoblinShaman>> That's not helping.
GoblinSmithy>> Am I ever helpful?
GoblinShaman>> ...
GoblinShaman>> Good point.

We had old Bakdak almost dead. Things were looking good.

I'd still have to murder Pathfinder, but at least I was getting a new axe out of the deal.

And isn't that what really matters?

GoblinShaman>> Keep it up.
GoblinShaman>> We almost got him.
GoblinPathfinder>> Wait...
GoblinPathfinder>> I've got another question.
GoblinSmithy>> NOT NOW, YOU IDIOT!
GoblinPathfinder>> It's just one question.
GoblinSmithy>> Almost... Almost...
GoblinSmithy>> And he's DEAD!
GoblinPathfinder>> Why do they call them "drops"?

And then the answer struck him.

No, I mean it literally struck him. An axe fell out of the sky and struck him in the head.

GoblinShaman>> Oh no!!!
GoblinShaman>> My mask!

And the moral of our story: don't ask stupid questions or an axe will fall out of the sky and hit you in the brain.

I should write fairy tales.

30 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

hurray.... wait

what happend to
GoblinShaman mask.

6:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice one....I wasn't expecting you to kill him. For once Pathfinder being around didn't lead to a horrible death.

6:17 PM  
Blogger Texgnome1 said...

OMGBEEZIZLEET - hahahahaha!

What's even better is that Smithy + Shaman + mission =/= hideous death. Read back, almost everytime they've gone out together it resulted in Smithy dying. No Smithy death here. But at least Pathfinder bit it.

7:27 PM  
Blogger Kumaren said...

in before token black guy

7:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wait... it hit *Pathfinder* in the *brain*? Now that's a miracle shot!

9:04 PM  
Blogger Dealer Man said...

The Brady manual isn't that bad. I got some use out of it. It was alot like the CD I got telling me how to install my new CD-Rom drive.


My birdcage has never looked cleaner.

11:19 PM  
Anonymous Raine said...

I'm confused..how can it hit pathfinder in the brain if he dousn't have one?

3:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The guide does has it's uses. If your not using windower it's a written source of quests and the skillchain chart. Otherwise most of it is outdated considering all the updates since it was released and some people taking it as a bible rather than a list of sugestions.

5:32 AM  
Blogger Soren said...

"Why do they call them drops?"

Oh man... that was awesome. Rock on, GoblinSmithy!

5:43 AM  
Blogger token black guy said...

yo fa one i need ta holla at dat! damn P-Dog been ackin' a foo lately and be needin a good mufflin nahmeen?! so to dat i holla!... holla!

11:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

tbg yo do main man, nigga!!

10:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh God tbg mental disorder is contagious or he's learned the art of sockpuppetry so someone will praise him. /barf

8:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

SMITHY OWNS FTW!!! PATHFINDER DIES FTW!!! xD

9:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Does anyone actually use the deadorize spell?"

Yes, yes they do. Usually on Galka as an irritating stink joke. Other than that, it is completely and totally worthless. By the time one Tiger has sniffed you down, three others will have seen you and digested you.

3:19 PM  
Blogger Cyberdragon said...

I died in Eldom Necropolis due to now having Deoderize on. Hellhound turned me into a squeaky toy. Deoderize is sometimes needed just very very rarely. (Had sneak & Invisible up with full hp)

5:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

GoblinPathfinder>> Why aren't there any female Galkas?

====
According to the FFXI Guide Galka's have no gender but are generally perceived to be male.

==

Also can we not use the terms "Nigga" on public internet. (Pardon my language

9:47 PM  
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